Tag Archives: Quitting

How To Stop Failing At Your Goals

Reaching our goals is tough. It’s so incredibly tough that most of us never actually reach them.

But there are some ways to actually making your goals much more of a reality and they’re not as complicated as you might think.


Let’s start with the big one. The number one reason people fail at achieving their goals is actually the elephant in the room. It’s not some surprise thing that their not doing or some off the wall trick that they just haven’t figured out yet. The main reason people fail at their goals…. is because they quit.

There I said it.

And it’s the big truth in anything I’ve ever seen people try to achieve or I’ve ever tried to achieve myself. Most people tend to have no problem starting a goal, it’s sustaining the goal that they fail at. It’s the waking up and showing up everyday part that most people can’t seem to get down. And here’s why.

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Most people expect to come at their goals at 100% every day. They expect that they are going to be highly motivated like they are when they first start their goal. They think they are going to come out and show up to their goal at 110% and crush it every day.

Then life comes in and punches them right in the mouth. A bad day comes along, they have a bad nights sleep, a shitty day at work, or something completely unforeseen happens, like getting into a car accident. And as soon as this bad day comes along, people quit. They say, “ya know I’ve had a rough day, I’m not feeling it today, so I’m going to skip.” Just like that, they’ve lost their goal.

photo cred: Dan Burton

What we can do though, is recognize that this is how life works. We can understand that life is going to purposefully try to throw us off, that life is going to come to us and say, “How bad do you really want it?” and when that happens, we have to be ready to answer.

There are two ways I’ve found to answer this question that life asks of us. The first is about getting back up. It’s about simply knowing that life is going to knock you down and it’s about getting back up anyways and trying again. Notice that I didn’t say it’s about getting up and getting it all done, no I said it’s about getting back up and trying again. It’s about not quitting, remember?

The second piece of advice is once you’ve gotten back up. Once you’ve mentally made the decision to try again understand that it doesn’t have to be all out. It’s better to have showed up and lost the fight than it is to have never shown up at all. What that means is that it’s better to show up to your goal and half ass it, than it is to never try at all.

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So if your goal is weight loss, it’s better to have done good on half your diet than none at all. If your goal is writing a book, it’s better to have written one sentence than none at all. If your goal is to quit smoking, it’s better to have reached have of your goal than it is to have completely abandoned the goal all together.

Remember, the number one reason people fail at their goals is because they quit. Because they think they have to do it at 110% everyday or it’s not worth anything. That perfectionist mindset is poison towards your goals. Don’t let yourself think that way.

Get up and give it 1% every single day.

Good or bad .

and never…

ever…

quit.

Quitting America

I so often see posts across social media platforms that go something like this, “If they’re toxic, leave ’em” or “If you’re not happy, that’s okay, it’s not meant to be.

I also see the divorce rate in America is at about 50%…

photo cred: Siora Photography

I’ve watched this culture grow and become romanticized over the last decade that says, if things aren’t making you happy you should just walk away from them. And I simply cannot believe that so many people think this is the way to success and happiness.

I can’t accept that so many people believe that happiness, true happiness comes from walking away. That happiness means that if things are tough, you’re better off quitting. That happiness means if you don’t like this moment, you should give it all up. I can’t believe…

This is one of the greatest mistakes we make, as people. We feel that when things get difficult or tough that the correct answer is quitting. And then we wonder why we have a nation where the divorce rate is 50%… we wonder why we have a nation that can’t overcome obesity… we wonder why we have a nation that has arguably the most mass shootings in the world…

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It is incredible how many people are popularizing being a quitter in the face of adversity. That our new motto has become, “when things get hard, quit.” It is so mind-blowing that we can live this way, work this way, survive this way… and not realize that it simply is not working for us.

And the problem is, we’ve tried to create a society of “sigh… all I want to do is kick my feet up on a yacht sipping mai tai’s.” A society where we want to try and go viral on a single social media post, going so far as to perform extreme acts, so we can cash in and go, “sigh… time to kick back for the rest of my life” without ever really thinking what that life would be like.

You don’t need a million dollars to sit back and relax. In fact, a majority of us are already sitting back and relaxing every night. Binging on hours of Netflix… binging on hours of social media… binging on hours of leisure time… and then wondering why we feel so unhappy and depressed.

photo cred: Fernando Cferdo

But this just does not work. This is not the way to find happiness.

How many millions of people are taking this same approach, and finding zero happiness and success?

And you might say, “well this guy did this one post and it went viral and.. and.. and..” and that’s great! Wow! That guy won the lottery. Is that really what your strategy is in life? To hope to win the lottery?

No. The answer to the question of how to find happiness and success is completely the exact opposite.

WORK HARDER.

And that’s going to be a tough pill to swallow for a lot of people. It is… because it says you are responsible for your own failures and that you are responsible for fixing them. But it’s the damn truth. You have to abandon this idea that life is all about relaxing. That life is all about avoiding difficult and uncomfortable times.

We have become obsessed with this idea that life is really at it’s best when you’re doing nothing. That life is best when you’ve made a million dollars and then you retire. But if you go out and look at people who retire at 55, 60, 65 with a million dollar pension… they go back to work. They get bored and depressed, so they go back to work.

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That’s because life is NOT about sitting around doing nothing. It’s not about relaxing on a beach with a drink. That will get old quick. Take a look at other millionaires and wildly successful people. Are they just done working? Or do they keep going? Do they release 1 album, 1 movie, 1 book and then go to the beach?

You are far more powerful and capable than you give yourself credit for and buying into this popularized idea by social media about walking away is poison. Give yourself more credit, you are worth more and you can do more. Put down your phone, log off from social media, and go work. Go to work. Put in work.

Put in work at your job. Put in work to your relationships. Put in work to your health.

Go to work.

Everyday.

And then come back here and tell me if you don’t feel better. Try it, go bust your ass for a full day in all areas of your life, give it everything you’ve got. Empty your bucket, completely. And then lay your head down at night and ask yourself how you feel about your day.

I promise you. You’ll be happy with yourself.

And then wake up and do it again.

Every Choice You Make, is saying No to Something

No… is the first word I teach my kids.

My youngest son was being a handful one day and I was telling him no and his older brother asked, “why do you say No so much?” Ha! Aren’t kids brutally honest?

It was a fair question and whenever my kids ask questions like this I try my best to respond as an adult would respond to another adult. I try to match his mature question with a mature answer, so I responded, “I tell him No because it’s very important that he knows when to stop.”

I went on to explain, “If we don’t teach him no now, then when he goes to run across the street, he’s not going to stop when I say no. If we don’t teach him no now, he’s not going to know not to stick his fingers in the electrical outlet. But… if we teach him no now, it could one day save his life.”

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The truth is… the word No is even more powerful and relevant than that. The word no means a lot more and has a lot more value in our lives than we ever really realize.

There are three ways to understand how the word no is used. Either by being able to hear the word No and Accept it, knowing when to fight against the word No, or knowing when we should say No. These are some of the most valuable and critical pieces to our lives.

Being able to accept the word No is incredibly important. No is important when it comes to people, boundaries, and relationships. When someone tells us No, we have to have enough guts to accept that and respect that.

photo cred: Isaiah Rustad

So many people struggle with rejection, afraid to hear no. And this usually amounts to the fact that they haven’t heard no enough. Raising boys, it’s infinitely important that they know when No means No. In today’s world, it can be life changing. Teach your boys early, when a woman says no, it means no.

The harder part of No is knowing when to fight against it. Fighting against no is when it comes to quitting, injustice, and immorality. We should always say no to quitting. Quitting easily becomes a habit and every time we say yes to quitting something, we are reinforcing that habit. The first time we start to say No to quitting, when we would have usually said yes, is life changing.

We should also say no to injustice and immorality. Peer pressure doesn’t go away as we get older, it just becomes less direct. Teach your children to be bigger and better than that and show them by example. Demonstrate no to injustice and immorality.

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Finally, the most common way we say No is in our every day lives. Every single day, every choice we make, every decision, every thought, contains a no. What most people don’t realize is that in every choice they are making they are saying No to every thing else in life.

When you decide to sit on the couch and watch another episode of Netflix, you’re saying no to your fitness, your kids, your goals… When you decide to sleep in, you’re saying no to getting a head start, a no to your goals, a no to getting better.

photo cred: Andy T

Every choice you make is saying No to something. It’s incredibly important to understand this. Every choice you make is saying No to something. So it’s important to understand and to realize what you’re saying no to.

It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy Netflix, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a beer. It means you need to understand that by saying Yes to one thing, you’re saying No to everything else. And what you really have to decide is…

What am I going to say No to today?

Be a Closer

It’s December 31st, you’re counting down as the ball drops on the New Year and you’re telling yourself, “Tomorrow, I’m going to get up and go to the Gym. It’s a New Year and a new me!”

Tomorrow comes, you’re pumped up, you’re excited. You pack up, head to the gym and get a great workout in. It powers you through the day and into the next!

The next day you wake up and you’re starting to feel a little sore… But that’s okay, you get up and you head to the gym again. Another great workout in the books!

The third day comes around and DAMN are you feeling sore today. Those last two work outs kicked your ass and you know what? You did so good you say, “I earned a day of rest” and you take the day off.

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The fourth day rolls around and you’re still sore. You say, “shit.. I’m still not fully recovered. I’m going to take one more day of rest.” And then the fifth day comes around… and the sixth day… the seventh…

And in one week. That new you is gone. Back to sleeping in. Back to skipping the gym.

This happens every single year, for thousands of people. And we see memes and jokes about these people, right? We see, “Brace Yourself!” memes because we all know that first week of the gym is going to be packed and we all know a few days from then it’ll be all cleared up and only the few will remain.

It’s amazing how many people can get fired up, inspired, and motivated to a level that they are willing to change their entire daily routine but they can’t close the deal. It’s amazing how many people can have a great new App idea, the next Best Seller idea, write a few pages or code a few lines and then quit.

It’s amazing how we can be so motivated to QUIT.

So I’ve been on this mission to figure out why. Why are we like this? What is it about our human nature that puts us right on this path with everything that we do? And how is it that some people don’t suffer from this sickness? How are some people living great lives, getting in great shape, making six figures, making a difference in the world?

And when I really dug in and I started looking at what some of the differences are between these people, it’s simple. It’s so simple that we just over-look why we’re not accomplishing our goals. Why we give up….

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The reality of the situation is that your motivators are shit. You’re reasons for wanting to get in shape, or for wanting to be more successful, or wanting to work harder are a joke. It’s why you’re able to start up a great new goal and then give up the first time it gets hard.

You see quitting is a habit. And when we start quitting, when we grow up and our parents let us quit because its hard or because it’s not what we thought it was, we carry this with us into adulthood. And then when our job doesn’t workout like we want, we quit. When our workout gets hard, we quit. When our marriage gets tough, we quit. And millions of us are quitters.

And there’s only one real way to change this. You have to learn to be a CLOSER.

A Closer is someone whose specialty isn’t starting new projects but closing them out. A Closer comes in and finishes strong. A closer doesn’t give up, a closer doesn’t quit, a closer closes the deal. They get it done. They push and push and push until it’s done. When you become a Closer, your life changes. When you tell yourself it’s not about starting that new workout, it’s about closing on that work out, your whole perspective changes.

photo cred: Jose Morales

And if you need help becoming that Closer. If you’re not sure how to be that person that crosses the finish line, take a look at your Why’s.

And if you say, “I know my Why’s but they still don’t seem to help me Close Out” then maybe You’re Not Getting the Point.